US Royalty gets Saved!

Many of us in the sanctified realm have seen the immoral habits of rock musicians. But in South Carolina the spirit of Christ the almighty proved stronger than the destructive appetite of Rock and Roll.



The wet wind was howling that dark night. Across from some dump of a bar where US Royalty had an evening gig emerged the beautiful sound of Sweet hymns and RSBYT followed that sound. Rex Goliath and Buffalo China, of deerwolf were the first to enter the small dilapidated building where the church held congregation. They described the scene in detail.
"It was like wet cardboard meets witness protection." Rex Goliath, DC/NY's Poet Laureate said in his cunning prose.
"We were the only white people." commented Buffalo China. The righteous hymns were soon joined by some more white people, US Royalty of Ryan Wakeman fame. The Preacher's entire sermon was conveniently targeted towards musician types and as soon as he set down his washboard he started filling the ears of the back row of heathens. "You know my mother used to be a bootlegger!" the preacher shouted fervently.
"Amen!" refrained a churchgoer.
"Amen!" yelled another. and another.
"You might be making a lot of money now. Your pockets may be full and you might have a lot of fans," he continued to preach to no one in particular, "but your fans are gonna kick you to the curb. Your music will kick you to the curb. But guess what?" what? "Jesus ain't never gonna kick you to the curb!"
Really?
"Amen!" shouted everyone in various pitches and volumes. Whatever this guy was saying was definitely getting through to the crowd. Especially to the back row.
"I don't usually do this." the preacher warned, "But I have a feeling that there are some people here, that aren't here on accident. Ad that they know they ain't living right."
"Amen!"
"And that they want to know that there's more out there. That there's someone who cares about them. Not just for their music and their money, but cares for them! If that's you right now, I'd like you to come up here and meet Jesus Christ! Don't worry about what your friends might think is cool. Just come!"
The next thing RSBYT knew we were getting oil rubbed on our head and black people were praying for us and then everything went silent as the tears fell from our face.
"Now I know you've searched for answers. And you couldn't find it in a woman. Or a man. But you can find it in Jesus!" And with that he led us in prayer and we became saved. What a cinch.
Then we walked back to the rear pew and hung out with the girl in the green shirt with the Lovin' Leo mag and all the soul suffering rock musicians. But the Preacher wasn't done yet! Oh Lawd No!
"God's still calling to somebody in the back!" the preacher bellowed! "There's a woman in the back who needs to get right with God."
There wasn't.
There was a young chap with long hair, Rex Goliath, a man that rivals God himself in certain circles. The preacher kept on. (un)Fortunately one of the men in the church whispered in the preacher's ear and he carefully covered his mistake. "The young woman wearing green! God has word's for you..." and with that slick move no one had to see their god killed in wrath by the forces of deerwolf.